Back to You
by killerinhighheels
Summary: Jane Rizzoli had a hard childhood; when she was young she met Maura Isles and she thought her luck had changed for once. Until the day she made the choice to let Maura go. Years later, after a sudden loss brings her back to Boston, Jane reunites with her long lost love and it's up to her to decide if she is going to let happiness in.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay guys, I'm back with a different story. I don't know if I will end up finishing my other story but I wanted to keep writing so I started this new one. It's based on a book...shocker huh? I started reading The Best of Me by Sparks and couldn't finish it because every line read Jane and Maura to me. I took the premise and changed it to fit the RI story line it is all my own except for a few lines that just screamed Jane and Maura. It is an A/U as you will come to read. Mistakes are probably laced throughout this whole chapter so I am sorry for that.

Mornings were always the hardest; it was the time most people used for peace and reflection. Not Jane Rizzoli, it was the time she struggled to keep the memories hidden. During the days she worked, she busied her mind and shut out all thoughts of the past. When she came home at night to her small and quiet town house she was so tired from over working that she was able to fall asleep quickly enough to hide from her own mind. By morning she was recharged and that's when her thoughts would swiftly return, she tried to fight them off with her morning runs and hitting the punching bag but nothing would rid her subconscious of Boston.

Jane's prior life haunted her and any good memory she had of growing up. She hated it because she didn't have many joyful moments of her childhood. As a child her life was not a happy one. She was brought up with nothing and was alone for most of what she could remember which is why she was able to survive without any friends, well if you consider Vince Korsak a friend, which she didn't really classify him as one. They never talked on the phone because Korsak didn't own one and neither would Jane if it wasn't for her job. Occasionally, they did write each other letters but nothing more then that.

Jane didn't need anymore than what she had, she felt content to live this way. It was the life she came to know. She woke. She ran. She went to work. On the rare days that she did find off from work, she would go for drives with a book and when she found a spot that looked appealing she would stop and read. Life was easy and quiet. She didn't own a TV or a computer. Jane only bought necessities in life and she always thought if it for her own promise she wouldn't even own a home. When Jane was young, she was always moving from rental to rental, she never had a bedroom and so she promised herself that when she got older she would have a permanent place to call home and Jane Rizzoli never broke a promise.

It was late July and work was always busy this time of year so she didn't even think twice when she got a call on her cell. When Jane hung up she rubbed her face and let the thoughts she kept at bay wash over her. Home. She was going home to Boston. You see, Jane Rizzoli never classified Korsak as a friend because he was much more than that to her. To her, he was like a father, he was her savior in her darkest times and the only person left in her life had just passed away.

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Sitting on the plane Jane let the past come forth as she neared Boston. She didn't know where she was going to stay or what she would do with her time off in her hometown. She didn't have anybody worth seeing back there.

Her father had been a heavy drinker and left right after her younger brother had been born. Her mother had moved so much when Jane left she never knew how to reach her and when she did have the means to find her mother, Jane decided that she was better off with that door closed. Her younger brother Tommy took the route of most kids in the neighborhoods she grew up in. The kids she herself expected to end up like, but she escaped that fate as well as her older brother Frankie, who turned out was a cop like her.

He was five years older and when she was 12 he had taken off one day and never came back. Not that long ago, Jane had found out all about Frankie's new life and she felt like she wanted to contact him and reconnect but she also learned that he had started a family. She knew that if she were to contact him she would only taint the happiness he created and Jane would never take away that from him.

Frankie got out unlike Tommy who was spending time in an alcohol treatment facility in Bridgewater. Tommy followed in their father's footsteps and her brother's drinking problem left a priest with a couple broken legs and some tire tracks he couldn't wash off his clothes. This latest incident was Tommy's second strike and his next would land him in Walpole.

Jane would always have a part of her that hated Tommy for what he did but she knew it wasn't solely his fault. What he did was minor in the whole grand scheme. She would always love her brother for what he had given her as well, and a part of her wanted to fall back into old times and go down to the treatment center and straighten him up herself but again she knew that door was best left closed as well.

Growing up, Jane never felt like she belonged in South Boston. It wasn't because she didn't want to be lower class; it was because of what the lower class did to survive. Sure, she stole and got into fights but it didn't harden her like it did most. It made her want to get out and become a better person who worked for things and was happy for others when they succeeded. She wanted to get away from Jamaica Plains to be a good person and continue to fight, but to fight those who did the wrong she saw day in and day out.

All the pressure of fitting in and doing the right thing weighed on Jane when she was young. She tried to keep a low profile but when you had Tommy as a brother and the biggest drunk as a father it was hard to make it out without the stares and whispers that attention could get someone. The way she was able to balance her life was her instincts. She was probably the only kid who studied (secretly) hard enough to fail a test on purpose but pass with just a high enough grade to not be beaten up for.

Jane was highly intelligent, which wasn't a good thing to be when she ran with the crowd she did. She knew that if she showed signs that she was smart and had potential of getting out one day, her life would be made hell.

While the other kids wasted their nights getting drunk she would secretly empty her beer cans when no one would be looking and wait for the moment no one would realize she was gone. It was then she would go home to wherever her mother had moved her to that month and study. Sometimes she would head to the public library if she didn't want to be bothered. This way of life worked for years, until Tommy started hanging around with her crowd. It was harder to sneak around when all Tommy wanted to do was impress the ringleader, Joey Grant.

It all started with Tommy, he was the catalyst for the moment that changed her life. Tommy didn't mean to rat out his sister but when Joey had asked where his sister was, Tommy not wanting to lie to Joey, told him about her studying; which led to more and more and before Tommy knew that he had royally messed up he had given up all the secrets his sister had been hiding.

The night Tommy had ratted her out, Joey and his friend Charles had found her at the library and when they all got outside they jumped her. She was scared to walk home, so instead she walked the opposite way. She walked until the old boarded homes and buildings became leveled pieces of land awaiting new beginnings. She walked until small white streetlights became bright beacons guiding the way to nice small family homes. It was then she saw a police car sitting in the driveway of a home. With her blood soaked clothes and hair she made her way to the porch of the cop. It looked inviting to Jane, it was decorated with animal statues and it had a bench and most of all, it looked safe. Not wanting to knock, Jane decided she would sleep on the bench and leave before sunrise.

Sunrise came and went that next morning and the cop that lived there had been just as surprised to see this scrawny dark haired girl asleep on his porch as Jane was when she was awoken by the stocky police officer. He had asked her what had happened and Jane kept silent. He seemed nice and so she had let him drive her home that morning in his cruiser. Before getting out he handed her his card and told her if she needed anything she could call him. After that she had noticed more police cruisers on her street and that sufficed for some time but Joey was cunning and he found ways of getting to her unnoticed.

Weeks later she had found herself on the porch of the officer's home and she thought she had gone unseen but the third time she had showed up the bench had a new cushion cover on it and pillows on each side. The next time there was a bottle of water and a granola bar. After a month of showing up each night, the garage started to be left open and inside was a cot. After a few weeks, she had shown up one night and a man in his late 30's sat waiting for her. Her first thought was to run but she didn't, he explained as he scratched at his graying goatee, that he needed his garage back and Jane feared that the little sanctuary would be gone forever but he tossed her a key.

"I work a lot and I'm never home. My wife and stepson left for that reason, you can have my stepson's old room all that is in there is a bed. I have a lot of pets; you can earn your stay with taking care of them. If you don't life these arrangements leave the key, other than that the name's Korsak." And with that, he left. For the following weeks she never saw him but the cupboards and fridge were stocked regularly. A few weeks later he showed up and they didn't talk he went about his day and Jane was sure to stay clear of him.

Shaking her head, Jane tried not to go down that road full of memories. They always took her to the ones she hated and those memories were wrapped around the ones she loved. They led to the ones that reminded her of the pain she was inflicted with and it tainted the memory of the only person she had loved. The thing that had broke Jane's heart but not her promise, her promise to love Maura Isles until the day she died.

A little on the shorter side. I already have two more chapters written so those should be up soon. Let me know what you think but please be nice when writing the reviews.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Back for another chapter. Thank you for all the reviews, follows and favorites. You will find out more about Jane's childhood in this chapter. Most of this story will have flashbacks that tell what happened to lead them to their current predicament. Sorry for the mistakes, I hope you enjoy!**

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><p>When Jane had landed in Boston she didn't know where to go. She debated on whether or not to stay in a hotel but ended up deciding to stay at Korsak's house. When the taxi dropped her off, she had pulled out her old a weathered leather keychain Korsak had given her years ago and opened the door. The smell of animals and the musky cologne Vince wore hit her instantly; it was the same comforting smell from her teenage years.<p>

Walking into the living room she threw her bags to the floor and walked over to kitchen to get some water. She noticed the fridge littered with pictures of random animals and she had no doubt they were of animals Korsak himself found and nursed back to health. Next to one slobbering dog she saw her own face half smiling next to a hopeless looking Vince. The person that took the picture was absent from the photo but to Jane she was very present as she looked at the photo and remembered that day.

It was all thanks to Vince that she knew Maura Isles, Jane knew that without Tommy and Korsak she never would have experienced the sequence of events that led her to the beautiful but timid Maura.

The brunette smiled thinking back to a conversation she had at the very table she sat at with Vince.

"I'm thinking of getting you a tutor." Vince said as he set a plate of food down for the skinny teenager at his table.

"I don't need one Korsak." The brunette stared at the man across from her. She had lived with Vince for months now and only recently started having dinners together. Vince threw some of his food to the scraggly looking dog looking up to him. "There you go Joe Friday."

Looking back up to Jane, he pointed his fork to the fridge and grimaced. " That report card says a little differently."

Jane respected Vince and would do whatever he said but it was in her nature not to go down without a fight. "I'm not getting tutored by some rich little brat that doesn't even need the money. Besides, I can do better if I wanted to but I can't because the other kids will beat me up." Jane rolled her eyes at herself for letting the last part slip. Korsak eyed her for a moment before continuing to eat and Jane suspected that Vince would be bringing this conversation up at a different time.

They didn't have another discussion until four days later when instead of driving her in the direction of South Boston Korsak went in another direction.

"Where are we going?" She asked looking at the windows.

"School. You're going to one closer to where we live. You know…can't be driving so far out of the way everyday." That was his excuse and Jane was happy to keep with that then have it said that she was leaving her old school for fear of being beaten up. "Some guy that works at Concord, owed me a favor so he let it slide that we didn't have your documents. Tuition isn't as bad a I thought."

Later after seeing the school, Jane had argued with Korsak telling him she wouldn't let him pay what he was paying. He told her she wasn't allowed to tell him how to spend his money and that he had it covered. She never knew how he afforded it and now she guessed she never would.

Jane didn't let Korsak's money go to waste, she succeeded at school even though it wasn't that much different than her other school. Instead of being ostracized for being smarter and prettier than most of the other girls she was ostracized for not being rich or smart enough but that didn't keep Jane from trying and fighting for what she wanted.

She kept her head down, and didn't talk much in any of her classes. In her Chemistry class she was odd man out every time the teacher asked for students to pair up. It was such a common occurrence the teacher stopped asking if Jane was okay to work alone and up until halfway through the school year that is how she worked.

It was a colder than normal day when the new girl showed up and took the title from Jane. She had heard the whispers before she even saw the new girl. How weird she was, too smart, too pretty, tried too hard. It angered Jane that this girl didn't even have a chance and she wondered if cruel things were said about her when she arrived.

When Chemistry class rolled around that day she found herself sitting next to the new girl and it was the most exhilarating thing Jane had ever felt.

"Hello, my name is Maura Isles." The blonde had stuck out her hand and Jane was so shocked that she had stuck out her dominant hand, which was her left for Maura to shake, but quickly switched to her right.

"S-s-sorry, I'm left handed." Jane grabbed the other girl's hand and she was surprised to feel the warmth that hand gave take over all her body. She was brought out of her thoughts when the blonde chuckled, "It's a pleasure to meet you Left Handed."

"WW-what?" Jane was cursing herself for being so slow to pick up on the new girl's joke.

The blonde looked away and when she spoke again her confidence was gone and her voice was as well, "Sorry, I know I can be a little odd at times, as I have been told numerous times today."

"No!" The brunette said louder than intending making Maura jump a bit along with some side-glances from the other students. "No, I was a little slow on the joke, I liked it."

When class started Jane and Maura were paired up together and that was the beginning of how they met. As the year continued the brunette would study her partner. Jane came to realize that Maura was nothing like how she first thought of her. The blonde was extremely rich but never lorded that over anyone, not even Jane. Maura was beautiful and kind, not quick to pass judgment and she was funny, but those things were easy to see if you gave the blonde a chance and get to know her.

It was the times Maura would be lost in the work that Jane would see the little things that made her cherish the girl sitting next to her. The brunette noticed that the way Maura laughed was more like music when she laughed at Jane, or how her forehead would scrunch when deep in thought. The way her shiny hair would fall around her face when she would write and how Maura would use her fingers to run it through her blonde hair before slowly guiding it behind her shoulders. The smile the blonde gave Jane, that looked like she had a mischievous thought behind it, but most of all Jane loved the way Maura would touch her arm when trying to get her attention and the touch would linger through the day.

Their friendship started out in 11th grade Chemistry class but it took on a different form as they began to hang out more and more. By 12th grade Jane knew that she was wholeheartedly in love with Maura Isles and she was more than certain Maura felt the same way.

…

As Jane settled into her old room that Korsak had kept exactly the same, she began to check out the old house. Things were pretty much the same aside from a few new purchases but nonetheless, Jane felt transported back in time. Making her way to the backyard she saw the old and beat up porch swing. Easing her backside down, making sure it would not collapse with her weight, she sat down and began to slowly rock back and forth on her heels as the memories began to overtake her.

This place was her refuge, and over time it became Maura's as well. This spot was theirs and they shared so much here. It was the only place they felt like they could be themselves. Maura's family was never a fan of Jane and they made it quite known that they disapproved not only of Jane but of the relationship they had together.

At first it wasn't as severe, the Isles thought that their daughter was going through a rebellious phase, thinking that if they ignored it, Maura would stop. When their daughter didn't stop they began to ground and punish the blonde. The Isles had told Jane on many occasions that she would only bring their daughter down and that they wouldn't stand to let that happen. They drilled it into Maura that the brunette was not worth the time, and once when Jane was picking up Maura she heard Maura's father say that his daughter was going to end up like Jane a "Southie street thug".

Although her parents thought in doing this they would break Jane and Maura apart, it did the very opposite. It brought the two even closer together. When Maura would fight with her parents she would sneak out and come to Jane and they would come and sit out on this bench and talk. Jane would always offer the same solution that would anger the blonde. Breaking up.

Maura would always ask Jane if this what she wanted and Jane would quickly respond. "I just want to love you forever." And Maura would smile but on one night she looked at Jane with tears streaming down her face and asked, "Promise?"

Jane knew that even without promising she would always love Maura but she answered regardless, "I promise I will never stop loving you."

A few weeks later, Maura informed Jane on that very swing that she was accepted to both Cambridge and Oxford but that she was going to stay and attend Boston. When Jane had asked what Maura wanted to do she changed the topic to her parents, who had said that staying would be a bad choice and that they had half the mind not to pay for Maura to throw her life away.

As Maura began to lie out a plan of moving in together and college life, Jane halfheartedly listened as she began to realize that the Isles had been right. She was pulling Maura down and she knew her girlfriend had so much potential to be better and have better.

"Stop." She had silenced the blonde.

"You need to go Cambridge or Oxford. You can't stay here…you can't settle for less when you can achieve so much more." She had said this more to the ground then to Maura.

The blonde watched as her girlfriend began to pull away, "what are you saying Jane?"

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew I was the reason you didn't succeed."

"My parents are the ones who shouldn't be able to live with themselves for keeping us apart. We can do this. Even if I go to Europe, there are close to 4 million couples that are in long-distance relationships. Out of those 4 million, 30 percent of couples make it work. We can make it work. On average, it takes approximately 4.5 months before the other 70% of relationships fail. We'll work and save money and you can move as well in a couple of months." Maura finished speaking as she frantically reached for Jane so that the brunette would look at her but Jane pulled away before the blonde succeeded.

"What would I do over there Maura? You're parents were right, I'm just Southie trash that will eventually bring you down." Jane stood and leaned against the beam that supported the porch.

Maura didn't stand, fearing that her legs would not hold her, "Don't say that Jane."

"What?" The brunette voice got a little louder "I'm being realistic! I'll bring you down! I have it in my blood to be a screw up. I'll either cheat on you or drink myself into depression. I could hurt you in so many ways. It's better if we just end it now and move on." Jane had brought all the anger she felt at being born into her family, her hate for her father and how she was raised, while she spoke to Maura.

"This, this right here is how you are hurting me." Maura spoke through her tears. "We could be so great together Jane."

"You need to go." Jane said as she looked up to the sky, praying for strength not to apologize and scream out that she didn't want to end it with Maura.

"You promised me Jane and I know you don't mean this." The blonde stood and grabbed Jane's hands. The tall brunette snapped her hands back and coldly stated, "I guess you could say I'm like my father, he always lied and broke promises."

It was a little later that Korsak had come out and picked her up and handed her a rag to clean off her tears. "You broke up with you girlfriend?"

"Yeah." Jane croaked out.

"I think I did the right thing." Jane had said more to herself as they headed inside. Korsak grunted in response and the young girl thought he wasn't going to speak but as she walked to her room he began, "I can't tell you if you did the right thing but I know that it's hard letting go of the ones you love. The pain will never go away, that I'm sure, but it dulls a bit."

As Jane fell onto her bed the tears poured from her as she realized that Maura would always be the best part of her and that she would always yearn to have it back.

Jane was brought out of her reverie when she heard a car door slam out in the front. Looking down at her scarred hands before rubbing her face, she began to stand and head inside when she heard a key unlock the front door.

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><p>Okay, who do you think could be entering in the next chapter?<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Again, thank you all for the follows and reviews. As always I warn you of all the mistakes that are in this chapter. **

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><p>Maura Isles pulled up in her black Mercedes to Korsak's old home which was in an even older neighborhood. She had been here many times before but something seemed different about this visit. The blonde supposed that the reason why this time was so different, was because her friend Vince would be absent from her life. It made her mournful as she recalled the times she had with her old friend.<p>

When Maura had returned from Europe and started her residency in Boston, she had wanted to share it with someone. It pained her that she had no one to share in the enjoyment of being home. Her parents were abroad and even if they weren't she was sure that she wouldn't have gone to them anyway. Maura was quick to hide her happiness from her parents for fear of having it taken away.

She didn't have friends and she really didn't have anyplace to go. It had turned out that Boston had lost its charm years ago when the blonde had lost Jane. Maura had driven for hours around Boston, on the streets that she once knew so well. When she finally put her car into to park she had found herself in front of Korsak's house.

Before she left for Cambridge, she had stopped by Korsak's house asking how Jane was recouping. Vince had apologized but he had informed Maura that the brunette didn't want the distraught blonde to see her. Korsak told Maura as much as he could about how Jane was recovering but nothing more. It hurt the blonde that Jane had shut her out so abruptly and Vince could see that Maura was alone in her feelings. Before she left that day he had told her to write and that if she ever found herself back in Boston not to hesitate to stop by.

Maura had thanked Vince but she had no intention on taking him up on his offer. When she got to Europe she had made some acquaintances but they felt like such strangers to her; and she was never able to share with them. The blonde was lonely, so in time of shear desperation she wrote to Korsak and let out all her anger, fear, and sadness at having a life without Jane. She was surprised when weeks later she received a response.

Vince had answered her and in place of directly discussing what Maura was going through, Korsak had told her of his life and how he had to grow from the decisions he made. Maura knew that Vince wasn't a man of a lot of words; he had told her these things as a friend and as a way to sooth and help her move pass the pain. As time went on she would find herself writing Korsak more and more; Jane who was the motivation for why the blonde had wrote Vince in the first place, slowly stopped coming up in conversations until she was never talked about again.

When her time in Europe was ending she had wrote to Korsak and he had told her that when she came home she should stop by. That is how it came to be that every Sunday was spent cooking a meal with Korsak. Their conversations were easy; they varied from Maura's current life to talking about Korsak's time as a homicide detective before he was forced into retirement from a work related injury. Even when she came home Jane was never talked about, it wasn't because they forgot about her, no, she was very present in both of their minds, it was because discussing Jane would hurt too much for the both of them.

…

Walking up the drive Maura couldn't help but think that this place had always seemed like home to her. It was the place she felt she had grown up, her sanctuary. Pulling out the key Vince gave her not too long ago, she remembered the day he handed it to her. It was on their usual Sunday get together when she had knocked, she had noticed it had taken longer than normal. When the heavier and much more gray haired man answered the door he was sweating when he held up a house key.

"Here." He had said panting while he placed the key into the blonde's hand before limping his way back to the couch. "I'm not getting any younger and it's hard on this old man to keep getting up…that and my leg's been giving me more problems."

Maura had slowly followed behind the older man and spoke as he shuffled over to the couch. "My best guess would be that the cause of this rapid pain is the sudden deterioration of your muscles. When the body is used to the active lifestyle, like you once had, and a person stops, the human body cannot take quickly to the change. Even though you were injured years ago, your age plays a significant factor in limiting your mobility. You're not as active as you were a couple months ago, which I would guess could be your age settling in." She continued when Korsak's only response was a grunt. "I would liken it with a speeding car slamming on it's breaks…it would ruin the brakes, which in this case would symbolize your hip."

"Doc…" The older man sadly smiles. "I don't need your medical jargon to know that I'm getting old and my body can't take the abuse anymore."

Maura couldn't do more than return his smile with a sad one of her own before placing the key in her purse and heading to the kitchen to cook them dinner.

Snapping out of her memories, Maura slides the key into the hole and when the lock clicks open she heads inside and is shocked to see the form standing in the living room.

"Jane?" she asks but knows right away that it is she. The other woman looks exactly the same, a little older and ragged but Maura would always recognize the brunette. It didn't surprise her that the only thought she had was that the Jane had aged nicely; she always was in awe of the other woman's simplistic beauty.

It may have come quickly to Maura but Jane was unsure of who was standing before her. It wasn't because she forgot about Maura, it was that the girl she once knew was even more gorgeous as a woman. She was stunned to see the blonde standing in Korsak's front room after all the years that had gone by.

"Maura?" Jane finally found the name she hadn't uttered out loud in more than a decade. "What are you doing here?"

The blonde would be lying if she said Jane's question didn't sting, "I take it Vince kept quiet about me just as much as he did about you."

"W-w-what?" The brunette questioned Maura, "What do you mean? And why do you have a key to Korsak's home?"

"I don't think you have a right to ask me about my life because you sure didn't seem interested in it before now." Maura lashed out as her anger rose from a lifetime of loneliness and heartbreak caused by the woman in front of her. "Vince was my friend, he was always there for me when others weren't."

"I never knew that you were still in touch with Korsak." Jane looked around at the room, she was either oblivious to Maura's anger or was choosing to ignore it. "He didn't talk about you…he didn't talk about much of anything. Well, except for the new animal he found that week."

Maura took a softer approach as she spoke again she knew that Jane wasn't going to engage in an argument, she never did.

"Most of those "injured" animals he found were just roaming the neighborhood and I think he just wanted an excuse to keep them. He was really lonely the last few years he was alive. That's why I decided to spend my Sunday's with him." Jane could hear the sorrow that mixed in with the blonde's words and it instantly added to her regret of not keeping in touch with Korsak, or the blonde for that matter.

"I didn't realize that he was that lonely, his letters…I should have known. We were close but we never spoke about things like that." The taller woman looked at the worn in recliner that Korsak had since she came to stay with him.

Maura knew that Jane was hurting and she also knew that Jane would want to be alone. It made the blonde miss the old days even more. Back then she would follow the brunette out back and they would silently sit on the porch swing for minutes, some time hours before Jane would open up and speak of what was bothering her.

Back then was just as hard as it was currently but they had each other and it made times seem easier in a way. They fought the world side by side, with the encouragement and love of one another making it seem that anything was possible with each other.

"I should go." Maura finally said. She was reluctant to leave but she knew that if Jane wanted to talk, she would come to the blonde when she was ready. It was something Maura was used to but she always knew Jane would come to her. The waiting was worth being the person Jane would divulge everything to.

The nicely dressed blonde watched the emotions dance across the other woman's face before saving her from speaking, "I told my mother that I would meet her and discuss some things. I have to go to District A-7 precinct tomorrow morning but I will be off in the afternoon," she said as she pulled out a business card from her designer purse, "if you want to get together after, I have an open schedule. If I don't hear from you, I'm sure we will see each other at Vince's funeral."

Jane grabbed the card and in doing so she purposely made contact with the blonde's hand. She couldn't help it, she was only in the room with Maura for a few minutes and she already craved the other woman's touch.

"I'm only in town for a few days but I'll see if I have time to get together with you tomorrow." Jane said knowing that she would be counting the moments until she saw Maura again.

...

As Maura pulled away from the house she finally let the tears fall from her eyes. It was all she could do to wait until she was out of sight of the window of Korsak's home. The blonde was sure that Jane would have been looking out as she walked to her car.

It bothered Maura that she was crying; she felt she would have been stronger the moment she came face to face with Jane. Years had gone by and she thought the pain had left with them, but even she knew that was a lie she told herself everyday. It was the reason for her panic attacks. She couldn't even get away with lying to herself to make her life better.

After allowing herself the much needed breakdown, Maura reapplied her makeup and drove to her mother's home. When walking up to the door, the blonde tried her best to hide the feelings that were bubbling forth and trying to burst free. It made Maura laugh at her current predicament. Many years had passed and her life had changed so drastically but she had found herself in a situation so similar to years ago. It was no different than when she was young and would leave Korsak's in tears not wanting to go home but fighting the emotions before entering her house and putting on a show for her mother.

Walking in to the foyer, she glanced at herself in the tall mirror making sure she was presentable. It was eerie walking in the footsteps of her younger self. It made her hurt more realizing that the only reason it seemed bearable then was that she had Jane. Now she didn't have Jane, she didn't even have Vince anymore.

"Mother?" she lightly called out for the older Isles as she walked deeper into the home.

"In here darling." She heard the melodic way her mother answered her call and figured that the woman was entertaining someone. It was something she was used to growing up. Her mother would always make it appear that their relationship was better than it seemed.

When she entered the kitchen to an empty audience Maura asked confusingly, "Are you in here by yourself?"

"Well good afternoon to you too." Constance Isles had giggled as she handed her daughter a cup of coffee.

"Good afternoon?" Maura bewilderedly answered, which ended up sounding more like a question.

"Are you upset with me?" Maura questioned, she had no idea why her mother was being so…joyful. "I'm a little late, sorry. I had to stop in at Vince's to make sure everything was okay there."

At the mention of Vince's name her mother's smile dropped and she began to finger her pearl necklace with an edge of animosity lingering behind each swipe of the beads. It was a tick Maura knew her mother had; she herself had developed a turn of her ring when feeling uncomfortable or nervous. It wasn't the only thing she had learned from Constance.

Constance Isles was the perfect embodiment of old wealth and refinement, it was in her blood and she would ooze sophistication until the day she died. It was what Maura had picked up on; it was what she relied on when she moved to Europe. She used it as a crutch when she couldn't make friends. Instead of being an outcast she chose to be a powerful presence most feared to be associated with. When meeting someone she masked her personality with one more like her mother's, it gave her confidence when other's feared her. It made it seem like it was her choice to be alone, instead of feeling the hurt when people rejected her.

"Why were you there?" Constance plastered on her smile "It's not like you really knew the man. You said yourself that he was quiet most of the time."

"I knew him mother." Maura bit back her rage. "I knew him probably better than I know you."

The older Isles face screwed up in anger before it settled back into one of indifference. "Let's not get onto that topic again."

"Why mother?" Maura knew she could no longer hold onto the emotions she had from running into Jane. "Because Vince was such lower class then you or because I would have rather spent my time with lower class than with you?"

"Maura Darling," Constance said somberly knowing it was her own fault that her daughter held such hostility towards her. "I know that it was hard losing your friend but you need to understand that I wasn't trying to be insensitive towards your loss. I am very sorry but you also need to realize that I too can be there for you when you need someone."

The blonde stood in silence as she saw the sincerity written in her mother's face.

"I have to get ready for a last minute meeting, but if you want we can reschedule our discussion for another time. You pick the time and place and I will be there." As the older woman stood she grabbed the back of her daughter's hand and squeezed it before walking out of the room.

It was a few minutes before Maura had a sense of mind to wonder what was happening to her life. How on earth had everything changed so drastically over night? First, Jane had come back into her life and now her mother was showing signs that she had an interest in wanting a relationship. There was once a time when Maura had dreamt both these things would happen, but now she wasn't sure if she was ready for such dreams to finally be real.

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><p><strong>Okay, so it probably wasn't the interaction you expected BUT i just wanted it to be a little more real. I know that when I've run into someone I had once known I had been at a loss for words and I didn't know how to approach the situation and after; having the feeling of what you should have done or said and you keep thinking about it and it starts nagging at you. I wanted them both to feel that and the awkwardness before actually having a conversation. Next up we have Jane and Maura interacting and some more back-story about the two of them. So I will be interlacing the next chapter with the past and the present. Constance seems to be making a change and there will be more of that as well. I am hoping I can get it up before the weekend since I will be traveling next week. If not I could be MIA for a week or so but that doesn't mean I won't come back to this story.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: SORRY that I was gone longer than I said I would be. I had a 5k I forgot about and a birthday shindig to go to. This chapter is a little slower and I hope that it is okay for as long as you all had to wait. Again, mistakes are my own and are probably all through this chap.**

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><p>Constance Isles never really fashioned herself a mother, she always took pity on those who made it their life's work. Constance never wanted children. She loathed them. In her mind, Constance believed that the responsibility and burden that a child created outweighed any of the benefit that they may produce.<p>

No, Constance Isles was sure that she would never have children until late one night when her husband had returned from his business trip. She had been reading in the dim light of her bedroom when her husband Bradford had stumbled in. He was so lit that even if she were to turn off all the lights she would still be able to read the book in her hands.

It was how their relationship worked, her husband would wobble in, barely coherent and she would do whatever she could to get him to fall asleep. If she failed in doing so, she found herself unlucky enough to fulfill her "wifely duties". That night she was extremely unfortunate, she was unsuccessful with getting Bradford to fall asleep. That night changed her life, it was the night that she had become pregnant with Maura.

Constance was afraid, more than afraid but she covered her fear with her strong personality. She wasn't brought up to surrender, she was from a tenacious and affluent family who succeeded in all they did. So Constance saw this pregnancy as a challenge and Constance Isles wouldn't back down from a challenge.

It wasn't until after the baby was born that she understood the predicament she had gotten herself into. This child wasn't something she could buy off, she had to shower it with attention and love and that was more than she could handle.

She followed in her parents and her husband's parent's footsteps; she hired a few nannies and increased the hours of her current staff. It was the only way she knew how to raise her child, she thought it would be for the best. Constance realized she wasn't fit at being a mother. She knew she was destined for greater things.

When her daughter was born, Constance knew that she had to pull away. She knew that her daughter would be well taken care of, she had hand picked the very best nannies that would give her girl what she herself couldn't, which was love. It was a feeling she had never experienced in her life.

When Constance was 18 years old, she was told that in order to receive her inheritance she would have to marry a man that her father had picked. Being brought up in a world of wealth, Constance couldn't think of not having such a life she was accustomed to. Instead of following her heart she followed her greed. She went along with her father's choosing and married a man who was just as wealthy as her family.

It wasn't that Constance didn't find Bradford Isles dashingly handsome; it was that many other women did so as well. Bradford was a womanizer and a drunk. He felt entitled to everyone and everything and it made Constance grow to despise the man. She followed her childhood interest in art and made it her hobby. Constance was ecstatic when her passion took her away to different countries and she finally began to find joy in her life.

When she found herself home in Boston she hated to fall back into the role of wife and mother. It came with different responsibilities now that her daughter was a young adult. Having a child was always an enigma to her but when her daughter became a teenager, Maura became a mystery she was unwilling to solve.

Maura Isles had her own ideas about everything, and her daughter was as brilliant as she was stubborn. When Maura was younger she was easier to control but Constance had found out the hard way that as a young adult, Maura was not as easy to manage.

At first Constance blamed Jane Rizzoli as the reason for her daughter's tenacious personality. When Jane came around, her daughter began to embody the typical teenager that Maura never seemed destined to be. It wasn't Jane who made Maura act this way but that didn't stop her from blaming the brunette for why Maura's stubbornness was brought out in full force.

Constance knew that Jane was never at fault for anything she blamed on the wild haired girl; she was just the easiest to find fault with. It wasn't hard to find out about the girl her daughter had been hanging around with. In a place like Boston and the gossiping friends she had, she found out everything there was to the Rizzoli's. The girl's father was a belligerent man and he found a liking to the booze just like her own loathsome husband. Jane's mother was a hard worker, but it left little time for her to care about what her kids were up to. Which was why Angela's youngest son was in juvenile detention and her oldest son had apparently run away.

Jane was different and Constance knew that but it didn't stop her from despising the young girl. She was jealous not only of Jane but of her daughter as well. Both of the girls were fiercely strong, they didn't care about wealth but more about love. Maura had what Constance wanted, she had someone who cared about her and who always would.

It wasn't until recently that she understood the reason why she had Maura. She was the key to her happiness, Maura was her daughter and she wanted her daughter's love. She vowed that she would rise to the challenge of fighting to win over her daughter's love. Constance knew it wouldn't be easy, she isolated herself from Maura long ago but Constance never backed down from a challenge.

…

After Maura had left Korsak's house Jane had been worked up. She ended up walking around the neighborhood and before she knew it she was in front of the county library. She went in with the intentions of solely reading a book, but within minutes she was on a computer clicking on her mother's name. When she walked out of the library she had Angela's current address tucked into her back pocket.

She had walked back to Korsak's, that night as she lay in bed she had decided that in the morning she would throw away the paper written with her mother's location. It was another headache she didn't need but when dawn came she couldn't go through with her plan. She not only kept the address but also had reasoned that if she only saw where and how her mother was, that it would be easier to finally let her mother go.

It only took her 30 minutes before she made it to Angela's modest home. It wasn't much but it was nicer than anything she had growing up with her mother. The house resided in a very welcoming neighborhood that was close to Korsak's place. She was proud that her mother had this home but it also annoyed her that she was never able to experience this with Angela.

With the sun rising it filtered through the home and it was then that Jane had a clear view of her mother's face. A tear had fallen from her eyes, when she thought about the last fight she had with her mother.

She had just received a call from some official she couldn't remember who it was because she was in such a hurry to tell her mother.

"MA!" she had called out in a panic. "MA! TOMMY'S BEEN PICKED UP BY THE COPS AGAIN!"

Her panic receded when her mother had come down the stairs. Angela was throwing on one of her uniforms. Even then she didn't know what uniform correlated to which job.

"I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS JANE!" Angela screamed as the stress boiled within her.

"I'm not the one who's in trouble! Why am I getting yelled at?" The brunette asked fighting the tears she wanted to cry for her brother and for herself.

"No but you should have stopped him from getting into trouble!" Angela had said under her breath but Jane had heard her anyways.

"He's and idiot mom." She lowered her head not wanting her mother to see her cry. "But he's family, he's just a kid and we can't leave him in there. If you get him out I'll whip him into shape and make sure he doesn't screw up again."

Her mother threw up her hands and then did the sign of the cross over herself.

"With what money do you expect me to do that with Jane? As if I'm not already late and the boss is going to dock my pay…I don't have the time or money to help your brother out…again"

Jane watched as her mother grabbed her bags and headed towards the door. Her mother had looked over shoulder before leaving her with what she said next, "Just pray about it and things will work out."

Jane would always make sure not to be around her mother after that day. She couldn't take it that her mother didn't want to help her children. It was the reason why leaving was so easy.

The brunette did end up praying like her ma told her to, she prayed that she would make it out of Southie and make something of herself. She prayed she wouldn't end up like her father or mother. She prayed for a life better than what she knew. Jane just didn't know that she was already on the path to what she wanted and in a few weeks time she would have all she ever desired. A few days later after her last conversation with her mother, Tommy had found his way out of juvie and hanging with Joey Grant again.

The memory riled Jane, she wanted so badly for it to be like old times. To run back to Korsak's and sit with him in comforting silence as she waited for Maura to come over. They would walk to the backyard and the blonde would rub her fingertips so lightly on Jane's arm; soothing her as she decided on how she would open up to Maura. She wanted to talk to someone, to have her life back but life wasn't like that, the past was the past and there was no way to ever get it back.

…

As Maura settled into her home she couldn't help but to be feel bitter. She was in a sour mood all day and she knew it was because Jane hadn't called her. Maura was sure that she would receive a call earlier that day, she couldn't help to be hopeful after the look Jane had given her as she took her business card.

Every time her phone rang she would happily answer it in hopes of hearing Jane on the other end. When she began to pack up for the day she realized that the other woman wouldn't call. It wasn't like Jane to wait all day to call Maura; she was impulsive if she had time to think about something she would usually talk herself out of it. But that didn't stop the blonde's excitement when she heard her cell phone ring.

Jumping up from the couch, Maura dashed over to her purse her joy was quickly crushed when she saw her mother's name written over the screen.

"Hello Mother," The blonde said a little more resentful than she meant to so she added an apology. "Sorry, I was hoping you were someone else."

"I…understand." Constance decided not to berate her daughter on how crude her phone manners were.

"I was calling to see if you needed anything or if you wanted me to attend Vincent's funeral tomorrow. I know that I have never showed any fondness for the man…but if you needed me I would be there…for you." Constance finished her very awkward speech quietly, so quietly that Maura was sure she didn't hear her mother right.

"You?" Maura started but was so shocked she had to take a moment to collect her words. "You would do that for me?"

"Yes, Maura. You are my daughter." Constance answered as if she was always this person Maura could rely on.

"I have to go and discuss some things with Vince's partner. He helped set up the funeral but I was told to get there early to go over what Vince had wanted. If you want to meet me there, I would be happy if you came."

"Alright. What time and where?"

"Ten O'clock at Saint Cecilia Parish, it's on Belvidere." Maura was about to speak again when the doorbell rang. "Mother, there is someone at the door, is there anything else you wanted to discuss?"

"No, I'll let you go and I'll see you tomorrow darling." There was no awkward end to the phone call like usual as Maura hung up. As she set down the phone and headed to the door, the blonde couldn't shake the odd feeling coursing through her. Whether it was caused by her phone call from her mother or something else Maura wouldn't get a chance to wonder because the moment she swung open the door all thoughts left her mind.

There standing on her porch was the wild haired brunette that she had once loved so greatly. "Jane?"

"Sorry, I should have called…I wanted to…I actually tried a few times but…" Jane knew she was rambling but didn't know how to stop. "I just…I didn't know how do go about doing this."

"That's…" Maura couldn't finish for she didn't know how to. "How did you know where I lived?"

Jane smiled as she answered, "I am a detective."

"Right, yes."

"Are you going to invite me in?" Jane intended to sound jovial but her words sounded unsure and wavering as she spoke.

"Right…yes." Maura said again this time she stepped to the side and ushered with her hands for Jane to come in.

Before taking a step Jane asked, "Are you sure or are you just offering because it's the polite thing to do?'

Maura scrunched up her eyebrows unsure of why Jane wouldn't think she wanted the brunette to enter. "Yes, I would love it if you came inside."

Knowing that the other woman couldn't lie, Jane grinned as she walked through the doorway.

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><p><strong>SOOOOOO it was slower but the next chapter will have a lot of Jane and Maura with some back-story as well. Angela and Constance will be coming up in the chapters as well so look for that.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry it took me a little longer. I got sick and didn't have the strength to keep writing. This chapter seems a little choppy and short I'll chalk it up to being sick. Sorry for all the mistakes.**

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><p>It was different when Jane had entered the blonde's home. It was the other woman's turf and it left Jane unsure of where to go. She slowly walked to where she guessed the living room was. On her way she took in the scenery. It was her job to speculate what a person's life was like based on what she saw.<p>

To Jane, the blonde's art filled home gave off a cold vibe. There didn't seem to be much of a clash of decorations, meaning that if Maura was living with someone they had identical taste in designing this home. It didn't mean Maura wasn't dating, she could very well be and the thought quickly added more pain to her already existing misery.

Putting the other woman's relationships aside, the brunette again took to deciphering what Maura's home was silently telling her. It wasn't meant for comfort meaning that the blonde was always at work. She knew it was something Maura had done in the past with school. It was a way to busy her mind and keep it from wandering. She herself did this as well.

Walking to the couch she saw a glass of wine next to an open computer. She laughed inwardly when she saw a shopping page open to shoes. Sitting down she noticed a tissue balled up and she remembered that Maura would do that when she was sad or nervous sometimes both.

Jane wasn't surprised when Maura didn't talk but took a seat as well. The only shock being that the blonde didn't sit next to her. No, that was something they did when they were younger, not now. It wasn't fingertips and kisses. No, now it was awkward glances and uncomfortable silence.

"Would you like something to drink?" Jane was pulled out of her thoughts.

"Water please." Jane really didn't want anything to drink but she needed a little more time before she plunged into the abyss.

Maura went to the kitchen, taking more time than she needed she knew Jane wasn't ready yet, heck, she wasn't either. She was scared and exhilarated all at once. Her dream and her nightmare rolled into one enormous fantasy. There wasn't any way to know the outcome, no tests, no studying to know how this would end. For once Maura didn't care. It was a thrilling adventure she wanted, she played it safe all the time and she was ready for such a feat.

Walking back into her living, Maura set the cup on the coffee table before taking her seat.

"Thank you." Jane smiles and again the silence overtakes them for a few minutes.

"I went to see where my mother lives." Jane says to the wall so she doesn't see but feels the other woman come and sit on the couch next to her. It comforts her immediately and she is sure if Maura were to touch her she would lose it.

The blonde's eyebrows furrow slightly and she blinks away her confusion at the other woman's words. She debates on whether she should answer or not but before she is sure, Maura hears the raspy voice start again.

"I felt so alone. Sitting there in Korsak's empty house…I just felt so alone in life." Jane stops when she notices Maura reach out for her and instantly pulls her hand back. "I made this life that is so blocked off from human contact. I'm a detective, I'm around people all the time but I'm behind the scenes. I go home and I'm alone. I like it that way."

Maura knows that Jane is telling the truth; Jane had always been quiet and mysterious at times. It is not an inaccurate statement when the brunette said she liked being alone, she liked that about Jane, and the quiet life they would talk about having. It just never seemed that they would have it separately and at such a cost. She wants to speak and reassure the other woman sitting next to her but she knows it's not her time yet. She wants to hear more and in talking she would silence the brunette.

"Yesterday after you left…I wanted to talk to him…to someone. Back home, when I felt alone or I was going through something I would write him and it would give me something to look forward to. I waited for his letters and he would answer me in the same way, he would tell me a story of something similar he went through and how he dealt with it. He never judged me."

Maura's throat burned with her desire to cry for Jane. She knew Jane was hurting and she wanted nothing more than to comfort her.

"I needed to do something. I know I shouldn't have went to see her." Jane finally looked Maura in the eyes and she saw the unshed tears. It comforted her to know the blonde still cared enough to feel for her.

"It made me proud of her, to see my ma in such a nice place but it angered me to know she never wanted to include me in it. She made all of us seem like such a burden. I wanted to march over there and yell at her…I wanted to know why she hated us so much…but then I saw her face and it was so happy, so different than when we were younger. It finally looked at peace and I couldn't take that away from her."

"Oh Jane…" Maura wiped at her tears knowing now wasn't the time to break. "I don't have an answer for you but the only thing I can say is that I never thought of you as a burden and I'm only guessing…but I don't think your mother did either. She just wasn't strong enough for the life she had. You were always strong so it didn't seem like such a feat."

"I wasn't strong though, I left you just like my father and I pushed you away like my mother."

And there it was, Maura knew it was bound to come up. She just wasn't ready for it just yet. This whole conversation about Jane's mother had a point. It wasn't about Jane's hurt but about her guilt of doing the exact same thing as her mother.

"When I looked at her I saw myself, I had created another life all by myself. I didn't share it with anyone…with you. I hurt you and I just went on with life, not reaching out to anyone."

"Jane." Maura said more sternly as she laid her hand on the brunette's arm. "Let's not get into that. There is enough to talk about without dredging up the past. Everything should stay there. Let's just talk about what is happening currently, I want to know more about you now."

Jane felt the heat from the other woman immediately, the blonde's hand burned through her whole body. This was what she feared would happen. She never stopped loving Maura. Her love had only grown with years of want.

Looking to Maura's face she recognized the nervous way the blonde's tongue flicked out and swiped at her lips. Back then she would kiss those freshly licked lips but that was the past and now she fully realized how different things were as she currently stared at those moist pink lips.

"I should go." Jane says standing up.

It didn't surprise the blonde that Jane was already leaving. This was the way it always went, Maura waiting for Jane to talk. When Jane did it was always heavy making the brunette feel vulnerable. Jane would then offer to leave or give Maura an out but Maura would stay and soothe the brunette with words and kisses but the times had changed and that was the past. The present left the blonde with a loss of words and uncertainty of what to do.

Standing as well, Maura politely smiles, "Are you sure, I have some wild stories about being a Medical Examiner?"

"As much as I would love to hear the crazy tales of Doctor Isles, I need to get ready for Korsak's funeral tomorrow. I shouldn't have come here to begin with." Jane says a little embarrassed at how their interaction had gone.

"Yes you should have." Maura says replacing her hand on Jane's arm. "My door is always open for you…and you can call me at anytime."

"Thanks." Jane smiled before leaving the living room and walking to the front door with the other woman trailing behind her.

"Jane?" Maura calls out as the brunette opens the door. "I just want to say thank you…for talking with me…it means a lot that you can still share your feelings with me."

"Yeah. Thanks for still listening. I'll see you tomorrow okay." Jane says as she shuts the door behind her, leaving the blonde alone.

"Okay." The blonde twists the ring on her finger as she wishes that Jane wouldn't have left.

…

Jane took off in a fast paced walk, thinking that the faster she was, the faster she could get away from the embarrassment she just caused herself.

She should have never gone to Maura's home or her mother's for that matter. She had fallen back into the past and back then when she had a problem with her mother she would run to her blonde girlfriend and eventually pour out her heart. The problem now was that Maura wasn't hers. Heck, Jane didn't even know if Maura was someone else's. They didn't even get a chance to have a real discussion before Jane ruined it with family troubles again.

Picking up her pace, Jane's walk became a slow jog and when her thoughts still wouldn't leave her, the brunette broke out into a full sprint.

…

When the next morning came, Jane rolled out of her small bed and tried to muster all her strength for the day. As a detective she had been to many funerals for the families of the victims. She was solid and secure, a beacon in the dark. She was Detective Rizzoli, the person who would give an answer to those grieving families.

Today she was that grieving person she saw so many times. It was a day of reality. She knew Korsak was gone but today was the day she actually had to face it. She would never get him back and that thought of absoluteness made her feel empty.

Grabbing her black dress she smiled to herself as she remembered a discussion she had with Vince many years ago.

"_Hey Korsak?" She looked down at her meal as she spoke. "I wanna…um…take Maura somewhere nice, and I was wondering…where maybe… where we should go? I don't have too much money but I saved up some."_

_The brunette finally looked up to see the man's eyes widen and shift sideways. He shrugged his shoulders as he took another bite and Jane thought he wasn't going to answer. _

"_One time, when I was dating my ex-wife, I was still just a rookie cop and my hours didn't leave me for much time to do things." He looked up to the sky remembering before he spoke again._

"_Well, I didn't have much money either but I had enough. I bought flowers, candles and some nice clothes and I cooked for her." He grinned._

"_I work Saturday night, you should go buy a dress." As he finished he pulled his wallet out and gave her the little amount of cash that was in it._

_Jane shook her head and slid the money back to the man, "I don't wear dresses Korsak."_

_Leaving the money on the table, Vince grabbed his plate and headed to the sink. On his way he playfully kicked the brunette's chair; "I'll getcha into a dress one day."_

Slipping on the simple back dress, Jane wiped the lone tear that escaped. A sad smile appeared when she looked at her reflection, "Well Korsak, I guess you finally got me into that dress.

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><p><strong>In this chapter I still wanted the awkwardness to be present but showing both women falling back into how they were together. Might have a surprise guest show up to the funeral but I still don't know if I want to do that. AND Maura and Jane will finally have a real legit talk. Hope you enjoyed.<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm so very sorry for taking so long in updating this story this time of year is always hectic but even more so with some things I have going on. I hope there are some still reading this story and this chapter makes up for how long I took. Mistakes are going to show up but hopefully it won't make it hard to read.**

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><p>Maura spun the ring on her finger as she watched the florist arrange the flowers over the altar. Maura had asked if she could supply the flowers, it was the least she could do for the man that made her feel like she was family. Seeing that the florists had things under control, the blonde decided to head to where Korsak's old partner was going to be. Nearing the entrance Maura noticed someone walking in.<p>

"Jane?" Maura asked, as she was finally able to see who it was.

The brunette smiled as she noticed the shocked look on the other woman's face. She knew the dress would have an impact on the other woman.

"I have to agree that I look stunning in this dress." Jane joked as she went to hug Maura.

The blonde felt the height difference immediately, taking a step back she smirked before she spoke, "Heels as well? I am more than pleased with your choices."

"I didn't bring any with me and I realized that you wouldn't let me show up in a dress and ankle boots."

"No, I would not have." Maura shook her head for emphasis.

Jane grinned, "I had to channel my inner Maura when I chose them."

"Well I'm glad I could have been of assistance." The blonde laughed as she spoke, "Are your feet hurting yet?"

"Actually, I wear heeled boots for work so it isn't that bad but the stringy buckle part is starting to bother me."

The blonde nodded, as she understood what Jane was saying.

"You look…nice…really nice." The brunette did a hand motion that ended up looking like a failed high five.

"Thanks." Maura smiled before realizing she didn't know how to proceed with the conversation. A few silent and very awkward moments went by before Maura spoke again.

"I have to go speak to someone, they told me to meet them in a conference room that is in the back."

"I'm going to the back as well, I'll walk with you." Jane offered before gesturing that she would follow the blonde.

As they entered the back, an older man who was already waiting greeted them.

"Detective Rizzoli, nice to see you." The white haired man held out his hand for Jane to shake.

"Oh, come on Kevin, you can call me Jane."

"You have grown quite a lot since I saw you last. Back then you were always on the move. Never really got to talking that much but I did see you running in and out of the precinct." He smiled and Jane could see all his wrinkles lift with joy. "And of course I knew that you would be here Dr. Isles." He said as he shook Maura's hand.

"I've told you that you may call me Maura."

"Okay Doctor Isles." The older man winked at Jane with a cheesy grin in place. Nudging her with his boney elbow. "That's how an old man like me flirts with a classy lady like that."

The brunette gave him a grin; she knew too well the excitement flirting with Maura caused.

"Well, everything was set up by Korsak before he passed. I just put into motion what he wanted. You ordered some lovely flowers Dr. Isles…Maura." Kevin corrected himself when she smiled at him in a knowing way.

"The only reason I called you both here was because Vince gave me letters for the both of you." The older man pulled two white envelopes out of his suit jacket.

"What's this about?" The brunette asked the old man.

"Haven't a clue, but he said that once you both read it, it would all make sense." The older man handed the white envelopes over to the correct woman.

"Do you know what these are for?" Jane lifted her envelope for emphasis.

"I have no idea." Maura shook her head. "I wasn't aware that we would be receiving…well, anything."

Noticing the confusion written all over the two women's faces Kevin started to explain the best he could.

"You both know I was the one who found Korsak, I made it a point to make it over to his house during the week. I knew Maura here went every Sunday, Vince sure did love that." He smiled at the blonde trying to make her feel better.

"Well, that day he wouldn't answer the door and so I checked the lock and it opened. Right then I knew something was different. Vince never left his door unlocked. That's when…well you know."

The brunette shook her head as her stare went to the tiles on the floor, she traced the grout with her eyes as a way to keep her thoughts away from Korsak and focusing on not crying.

"I think he had a strange sense that he wasn't far off, he told me not too long ago that when the time came I were to call the both of you immediately then a few weeks ago he gave me these letters and told me to give them to you at his funeral."

Maura nodded as she remembered the many conversations with Vince and how he thought he was getting too old to make it any further in life. She remembered how she would give him statistics on people well into there hundreds who were still alive and relatively healthy. If only she would have realized how true is words were.

"I told him that you both should know what he was thinking and he shut me down real quick. He didn't want to trouble you both." Noticing the look of sadness on the women's faces he quickly added, "He made it clear that he did care a great deal about the both of you. I worked with Vince for years and if he didn't speak much about his personal life but the way he talked about you both I knew he was proud of you. "

Jane smiled at Maura before smiling at Kevin and staring down at her letter.

"Well, my part is done, I better go wait for all the old guys to show up." He winked before leaving.

Both the women watched as the older man walked out before turning to each other.

"Are you going to read yours now?" Maura asked first.

Jane looked at the letter as she thought. "I don't know…probably not, what if there is something in there that just makes it unbearable to sit in there and focus on the funeral?"

Maura nodded but replied; "What if not reading it makes it unbearable to sit for the length of the funeral?"

"It kills you to not know something doesn't it?" The brunette arched her eyebrow waiting for a response.

"I don't think kill would be a correct term…but yes, it does bother me not to be able to know something if the answer is sitting in front of me and I choose to ignore it."

Jane smirked, "I'll tell you what, after the funeral and the reception, we will make it a point to read it together and discuss what they say. Deal?"

The blonde takes a moment to think about it before she answers. Only agreeing when she realizes that getting to see Jane later that night outweighs the torment of not knowing. "Deal."

…

The church was packed with officers and Jane was happy to see that Korsak was more than just a man in a uniform. Many told stories of how Korsak had changed their lives. They told of how the man with few words had such an impact of them and as the service for Vince came to a close, Jane was worried that her closing speech wouldn't be enough for the man who was admired by so many.

Sitting next to Maura, Jane felt the woman by her side grab her hand before whispering in her ear.

"You will do fine up there, Vince would love whatever you have to say. If you get nervous just look to me, studies have shown that when you are a nervous speaker it is better to locate someone in the room, that focusing on one person can ground you." The blonde helpfully offered but instead of giving peace to the other woman it only added to her distress.

Jane smiled her thanks before standing and heading to the podium with her paper in hand. Clearing her throat the brunette looks out to all the faces, some teary-eyed and the others solemn in their glares.

"As many of you know and previously heard from the others who spoke today, Korsak was a great man. I know many of you have a story of how he changed your life or plainly made it more enjoyable, but for me he did so much more than you can imagine." Jane stops to look down at her paper making it seem she needed help remembering but in truth she needed the time to keep the tears from spilling over.

"Growing up in Southie I had a much harder and less enjoyable life. I was a kid that wasn't made for the life that those streets form you to have. I won't get into the details but I'll jump to telling you that when I was younger, I would venture into the nicer neighborhoods looking for refuge from life. On a very unlucky night I had finally found my long lost luck on a porch of a very quiet house. Little did I know that the house I picked would be home to a man that would change my life forever."

Jane pauses once more to look to Maura with tears falling from her eyes. Jane had always realized in the past, that if she had left on time that morning when she was had fallen asleep on Korsak's bench, she wouldn't be where she was today. She wouldn't have meet Maura Isles; and looking down to the blonde her heart sinks with the knowledge of what she would have missed out on. A life without Korsak, without Maura would have been a sad and lonely life.

"He took me in and gave me a better life, a life that was filled with so much love that it breaks my heart to know I'm now without it." Looking back to the blonde she let's the tears fall as she tries to show the other woman that she is sorry for everything she had done. She knows she had taken away so much from Korsak and Maura by leaving. She had left for fear of not having their love and in turn she had stolen the chance for them to so freely give it.

…

After the service was over, the funeral procession ended at the graveyard where Korsak's body was laid to rest. It was then that many people had began to come up to give their condolences to Jane and sometimes to Maura as she stood next to the mournful brunette. Hand after hand Jane shook as tried her hardest to put on a smile for the others so they could feel good about themselves. It was a show she was getting good at up until she grabbed the hand of one person in particular.

"I just wanted to come and tell you how deeply sorry I am for your loss, Janie." The woman said as she held tightly to Jane's hand.

Never had she been so at a loss for words as she was in this moment, but the brunette had never had such a shock. It took her a moment to speak and in the time it took her to find her words she had felt Maura move from the side of her to behind her. With one hand on her back, Jane felt the blonde as she brought her free hand around to shake the woman standing in front of her hand.

"Angela." Maura's voice was laced with acid.

"Maura." Angela shook the blonde's hand. "I am sorry for your loss."

Maura was about to speak her mind when she heard a familiar voice.

"Jane."

She dropped Angela's hand as she looked to see her mother standing in front of the brunette. "I would like to say that I am truly sorry for your loss."

It was then that she had completely forgotten her conversation with her mother the other day when Constance had offered to come to Vince's funeral. It made her anger ease as she saw her mother keep her promise and to offer kind words to Jane.

"I never knew Korsak but from what Maura has told me he was a great man who did an excellent job in raising you and also Maura in ways."

Constance looks to Maura before glancing to Angela who stands besides the older Isles. "Well we better leave these dear women to mourn their loss." She speaks more rigidly to the woman before her and it makes Maura appreciate her mother's coldness for once.

"Thank you Constance." Jane looks to the impeccably dressed woman and then to the other simply dressed one, "Angela." She says this more as a goodbye than as a thank you.

When the two older women have walked off, Maura removes her hand from Jane's back and asks, "Are you okay?"

"Yes." The brunette answers and Maura knows she is lying.

"Do you want to go somewhere before the reception?" The blonde offers.

"Yes." Jane says again and this time Maura knows she is telling the truth.

Grabbing the other woman's hand, Maura leads her away. "Okay, come with me."


End file.
